Road Hog Backs Up Interstate Traffic for Miles; Incites Road Rage

ROAD HOG BACKS UP INTERSTATE TRAFFIC FOR MILES; INCITES ROAD RAGE

(Peevesboro, Vortexia) -- A recent trip to Portland on I-5 proved to be another jaw-clenching exercise in self-control for this usually serene writer. The source of my vexation? Road hogs.

Here’s what happened. On a long stretch of the interstate, far from a major city, the traffic had come nearly to a standstill. Moments later, cars behind me began darting into gaps in the slow lane, merging back into the left (passing) lane far ahead of me. Taking their cue, I followed suit.

Was it a wreck that had been holding up traffic? No.

Road construction? Nope.

Then surely, it was rush hour? Guess again.

The culprit was a sophisticated looking woman driving a small luxury vehicle in the passing lane, her elbow resting casually out her window as she chatted away on her cell phone. On her lap was a miniature poodle straining to look over the steering wheel. Cruising nonchalantly at 55 mph (the speed limit in Oregon is 65), she was oblivious to everything and everyone around her.

A better person would have chalked this woman’s infraction up to ignorance, but when it comes to people driving slowly in the passing lane that better person is not me. After considerable fuming, I came to the conclusion that road hogs share three things in common:

1. They travel just at, or below, the speed limit.
2. They presume that as long as they’re not speeding, they can drive in any lane they wish for as long as they want.
3. They either don’t see the signs that say “Slower Traffic Keep Right,” or they choose to ignore them.

I realize there’s probably nothing to be done about the problem; worse yet, I suppose the onus falls on me to control my “road-rage.”

But still, can’t someone invent an LED display for the rear window or bumper of my car that I can program in messages for road-hogs when I pass them? Something like, “Move over imbecile!” or “Get your bum into the slow lane!” or “Pass or give up your spot!”

I guarantee, such an invention would make someone a millionaire. It would certainly make a lot of drivers, like me, very happy.